Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
