In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
