you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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