And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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