I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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