Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
