Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
