Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
