He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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