i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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