Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
