i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
