I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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