My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
