Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
