My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize