I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He passed out mid-signature
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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