Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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