The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
