O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
