Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if only i could text you this smell
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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