Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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