"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
