He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize