We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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