there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize