the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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