I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i was born a porn star she said
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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