Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Holy shit dude........stairs
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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