You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize