I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize