just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
