That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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