so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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