That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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