I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
