Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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