I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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