i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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