o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
