Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
