so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
