if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
