shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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