I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
