problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
