She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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