yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
