i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
