I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
