I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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