Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
