i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
