I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
