the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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