dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
