well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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