Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
