the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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