this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
