I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
