Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
