Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
