i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
