you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We got so high we made milksteak
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize