@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
