Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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