He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
