You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
