I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
