I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
