I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
