You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
