I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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