I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Congratulations! We have a period
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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