I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize