it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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