I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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