I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
