I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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