Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
