and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
